Why I’m Currently Obsessing Over Lyndon B. Johnson’s Jumbo Junk

Why I’m Currently Obsessing Over Lyndon B. Johnson’s Jumbo Junk

By Virginia Carraway Stark

I watched a documentary on sexual deviants and that was my first introduction to Lyndon’s extreme interest in what was between his own legs.

Because I’m a girl and I have a woman’s perspective on this I think this will probably end up getting dubbed as ‘feminist’ because I am a girl who has an opinion on the penis of one of the America’s watershed moment presidents.lyndon johnson

Here are some basic facts about the man and then we’ll look at his junk:

Lyndon took over the presidency after JFK was assassinated.

His full name is Lyndon Bains Johnson.

His name is very funny and he was from Texas.

He grew up in Johnson city. This also amuses me.

He was the 36th president of America and was put into position by fate rather than by an election.

He married Ladybird Taylor after an extremely short and long distance courtship. She didn’t have any interest in politics and begged him to warn her if he had any intentions of going into politics before she would agree to marry him.

He grew up in a log cabin and came from a very old fashioned sort of America.

He handled a lot of the Vietnam war.

vietnam fighting water

Okay, it’s the last one that gets me. As doomsayers predict the start of World War 3 and we see yet another war ahead of us I have been mulling over this connection to Johnson and well… Johnson.

Lyndon was a war hawk. He firmly believed that communism had to be fought and fought hard. His advisers were of the same mindset and he really went to town on Vietnam after he took over the presidency. He was quoted as saying,

lyndon

 

If we quit Vietnam tomorrow we’ll be fighting in Hawaii and next week we’ll have to be fighting in San Francisco.”

I’m not a history buff although I do enjoy learning about it but you don’t have to know much about history to know how Vietnam went: badly.

vietnam

 

Lyndon loved his penis. He loved his penis very, very much. He was proud of his penis and he would take it out and show it to people to prove its size. I’m guessing he’s the originator of the phrase: Let’s whip it out.

He named his penis Jumbo and he would touch Jumbo in public quite casually. He really didn’t seem to realize that pants and underwear were developed to generally keep the Jumbo’s and the less than Jumbos a bit of privacy. With everything that I had ever heard about Vietnam I had never heard that the Commander in Chief at the time was obsessed with his, errrr, Johnson.

crotch shots johnson

There was something misfiring in him to thing that this was an ok way to behave. Maybe he was the victim of sexual abuse or had some sort of illness that didn’t let him understand what was appropriate behavior.

What’s my point with this you ask. I question retrospectively how a country followed a man who understood so little about what was appropriate into any sort of conflict. His sex life put Kennedy to shame and his blatant flaunting of it in front of his poor wife Ladybird was outright nasty.

He was that guy who demanded that if he had to make number two all the men follow him into the bathroom so they could continue the meeting.

man-sitting-on-a-toilet-thumb858799

There’s a lot of irony about this man who was only ever meant to be vice president, who promised his fiancee he would never go into politics and then spent his life in politics but I think the most ironic thing is that people believed in this poorly adjusted fellow enough to set a country across the ocean on fire with napalm. People died. A lot of people died and I never knew how much of a prick Lyndon was until recently. Why didn’t anyone say-‘Umm, guys, maybe we should talk about how the president won’t stop playing with his nuts while he implements decisions about sending more troops to ‘Nam.’

end vietnam war

Why am I obsessed with Lyndon Bains Johnson’s junk? The answer is because it is an ironclad example of following the leader without taking a moment of rational thought. Lyndon was a man who would have been jailed for public indecency if he hadn’t been a high up authority and the scars he left on the world were irreparable. We need to ask ourselves if who we are following is adequate to the job. We need to re-evaluate based off of new evidence on a regular basis. We need to think for ourselves and be willing to say, ‘something’s not right here, lets take a minute and maybe change direction.

Lemmings

We really need to do this now.

There is so much going on in the world. Feelings are jumped up. People are afraid. Lives, countries and all of our futures are on the razor’s edge right now. Each time something new breaks in the world we have the chance to use our brains or to let Jumbo do his thing. We need to breathe.

And that is why, dear friends, I am currently obsessed with Lyndon B. Johnson’s Jumbo Junk.

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